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Thursday, 15 September 2016 09:18

Fear of leaving your child

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What to fear when leaving your child?

Leaving your child with a ‘stranger’ is scary, and it should be.

The first day at daycare, a babysitter, a crèche, the first day at school, all times when you are essentially leaving your child with a stranger.

Children are natural adventurers, it is often the parent that drives the fear. Where does this fear come from? It is about what has been instilled in us in our upbringing. It is also about those around us that are happy to impose their views. Media loves to focus on negative stories. 

fear of leaving kid with stranger What are the fears? Will my child be safe? 

If at a centre, crèche or school, the facility has standards they must adhere too. They are caring for children all the time, their environment is constantly checked. If at home, it is your house. Their safety will depend on how your house is set up. The babysitter or nanny is there to supervise and interact with your child, that is their focus. They will possibly spend more time supervising your child than you do when you are busy at home. 

How will my child cope? Will my child be listened to, understood, and be able to express themselves?

Sometimes I don’t’ think we give enough credit to our child for their resilience. Children can communicate in a variety of ways, verbally, in their body language, in their demeanour. They may take some time to adapt to the change in environment and people but they will adapt if given the support from you and the new person caring for them. Remember that they will respond off our own anxiety, so be careful not to put your issues onto them. As both children and adults, we are constantly placed in new environments, we need to learn to embrace these situations.

Will the person caring for my child be a nice person, hold the same values and not psychologically damage my child? Is it good for my child to be cared for by other people?

The world is made up of a whole range of personalities, beliefs and characteristics. Being exposed to this at a young age will make your child more accepting of differences.  You are the most influential person to your child, it is you that will have the most impact on your child.  If after a few sessions it is not working out with the carer, you may have the option to change that person, but if that person is working out well, how wonderful for your child to build more connections, and for you to have peace of mind.

How do I do this?

The first time leaving your child is always the hardest. Out of your comfort zone and worried about the ‘what if’s’. Do your research to put your own mind at ease, be optimistic and let that show for your child, and undertake strategies such as a transition plan and positive self-talk to make it easier on both yourself and your child.  

It is healthy for children to have a community around them, and for parents to have time to maintain their own individual identity. Are your fears working against the best interests of your child and yourself?


Read 1871 times Last modified on Sunday, 29 September 2019 18:58