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Thursday, 20 August 2015 10:31

Parenting Stress Detox - Part 1

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Time for a parenting detox. What is that?

Some days I can be a great parent, calm, understanding, nurturing. Other days, well all parents will relate when I say I won’t make mum of the year.

When things are not going well for a few days in a row I generally sit back and go, what’s not working? Is something happening for my children that I haven’t picked up on, is something not working in my world that is causing me to react in the way I am? Time to assess what it is and how to address these issues, detox the stresses.

So what could be causing the unsettled behaviours of either my children or myself. Here is a list of 6 questions to ask myself about my children (this is going to be a self-counselling session for me now I can feel it).Preteen

For my Children:

  1. Where are they in their physical development? I sometimes forget they are growing up. They become more independent, and I want them to be independent. But to learn they make mistakes, as we all do, and that needs to be okay so they feel confident to keep trying. As they hit the pre-teen years then the hormones also play a part. Note to self is that this area needs for me to be patient and supportive.
  2. What is their current lifestyle? Back to basics, are they getting enough sleep, eating correctly, going outside and exercising, are they healthy? Are they getting down time, not running around to different activities every day of the week? Are they well in themselves, and are they eating a variety of healthy foods? There is something to be said for routine, from a practical as well as emotional perspective. Time to check how our routine is affecting our lifestyle.
  3. Where is their behaviour coming from? They will mimic others, and they will try and impress others. Who are they hanging around, and what are they watching on television and the computer? Is the influence positive on their self development, or is it going a direction that may lead them into trouble? To have a finger on the pulse as a parent is essential. Am I monitoring what they are viewing? Do I know their friends? Can I encourage or discourage (in a subtle way) who they spend time with?
  4. Do they know what is expected of them? Are they given age appropriate boundaries? The  big one is, am I being consistent, and am I following through?
  5. What are their natural tendancies and priorities? Each child is different. Some will be organised, some won’t , some can cope with change, others can’t, some are academic, others are hands on, some are willing participants in life, others are content to be a spectators.  My focus is often different to theirs. They don’t care if they practice music, or if they clean their room, or if they don’t get a haircut for 12 months. Where can I hold back on my views and teach and let them learn themselves rather than tell, how can I let go of some of my standards, how can I decide on which battles to choose?
  6. Are there underlying issues? Children often don’t have the capacity to express what is going on for them, they don’t know what words, or even understand themselves their own feelings.  How can they tell others if they are not aware or unsure themselves? As a parent, are there signs I am missing, are there conversations I should be having at this point?  What could be happening at school, on family visits, on social media which I can’t see but could be affecting my child?  Am I spending enough one on one time with them just chatting?

Parenting is a privilege, and a joy, but it is easy to lose sight of that at times. Hope this blog has helped bring you back on track and appreciate the small things, accept the challenges and work forward in a supportive, happier environment.

Cherished Cherubs Babysitting are affiliated with and recognise a number of fantastic organisations and businesses across Perth to help raise our children. Give them a call if you would like some ideas of who to call. Tel: 0417 927 525 or www.cherishedcherubs.com.au

 

Read 2401 times Last modified on Sunday, 29 September 2019 19:05

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